When They're Gone and the World Keeps Celebrating

Healing through the holidays and milestones

The holidays and big milestones have a way of bringing everything to the surface. Even the things we thought we were handling okay. You can be doing just fine most days… and then suddenly a birthday, a holiday, or an anniversary shows up, and the absence feels louder than usual. The chair that’s empty. The text that won’t come. The person who you feel should be here, but isn’t.

If this season feels heavier for you, I want you to know something right away: there’s nothing wrong with you. This is grief. And it shows up when love still lives in your heart. Sometimes it doesn’t even look like what we expect grief to look like. It can be quiet. Or confusing. Or hit you out of nowhere when everyone else seems to be celebrating, and that can be so hard.

You might feel sad and grateful at the same time. You might laugh one minute and feel like crying the next. You might wonder why these moments still hurt when “enough time has passed.” There’s no timeline for missing someone. And grief isn’t only about death. It can come from relationships that changed, people who are no longer part of your life, or versions of the future you once imagined. Loss comes in so many different forms.

One of the hardest things during holidays and milestones is the pressure to show up a certain way. To be cheerful. To be strong. To be okay for everyone else. But hear me when I say this... You don’t have to perform your healing. You’re allowed to feel joy and sadness in the same breath. You’re allowed to step back when it feels like too much. You’re allowed to make this season gentler than it’s been before. Sometimes healing looks like small, quiet choices, letting yourself leave early, changing traditions, lighting a candle in their honor, or simply taking a few slow breaths when the emotions rise. It doesn’t mean you’re stuck. It means you’re human.

Some years these days will feel softer. Other years they may feel raw again. That doesn’t mean you’ve gone backward. It means love still matters. If today feels heavy, please hear this, you’re not weak for feeling deeply. You’re not behind in your healing. And you’re not alone, even if it feels that way right now.

At Tammy Rae Collective, we believe healing isn’t about rushing through grief or “getting over” anything. It’s about learning how to carry love differently, with compassion for yourself along the way. Take this season one moment at a time. Be gentle with your heart, and know that even in their absence, the love you shared still lives on through you.